A Bonding Moment

Since the beginning, Judah has seemed to bind to us without a problem. He really does love us and is happy here. On the other hand, I haven't bonded to him as quickly. For a long time I felt like I was baby sitting someone else's child. I struggled with getting easily frustrated and not feeling the compassion I thought I would. It's way better, in case you were beginning to wonder. Yesterday Judah and I had a conversation which I feel has changed my heart a lot.

We were at my parents house and Judah followed me to the bathroom. Since he had been talking more openly about Ethiopia I decided to ask some questions. I asked if he wanted to go to Ethiopia and he said "no." I asked "why not?" and he responded, "Cause I want to be here." I told him that if he ever goes back to Ethiopia that Mommy, Daddy, Liam and Gabriel will go with him. He smiled and said that he wanted to go to Ethiopia. I asked him why he changed his mind. He said, "Cause mommy and Gabriel going with me." My heart melted! He loves Ethiopia but doesn't want it if it means leaving us. I reassured him that I was going to be his mommy forever and he wouldn't lose me. We had some hugs and kisses and "I love yous." It was a moment totally orchestrated by God himself!

Jesus in Ethiopia

After praying over dinner


Judah: Mom, Jesus in my Epiopia.
Liam: You have Jesus in Epiopia?
Judah: Liam, you can come to my Epiopia.
Liam: Yeah, I will go to Epiopia when I get big.

A Story about Ethiopia

A couple days ago we were at a graduation party and on the family's property was a cow. Judah was thrilled and not at all shy or afraid of it. At one point he pointed to the cow's hoof and said, "It's owie!" I said, "No, it's his hoof." he responded, "No, it kicks, it's owie! In Epiopia (Ethiopia) cow is kick me. Bonk head, it's ouch!" This is the first time Judah's ever shared a story about being in Ethiopia. What a crazy story!! When I tried to encourage him to tell Dave the story later on he also went on to talk about the cars in Ethiopia. It was so wonderful to hear him recount his country and memories he had. He hasn't talked about people yet so we'll see if that is something he eventually shares with us.

Kindergarten

Last week we went to "Kindergarten-Round-Up" with Judah. All the little kiddos went off with the different teachers to have a snack and draw a picture while we stayed and filled out paperwork. We had to talk to the nurse about Judah's immunization records and get a waver. We talked to the about Judah's English and found out they have ELL (English Language Learning) which he's get 45 minutes a day 4 days a week. They start all the kids at half days for the first week and them certain kids move onto to full days 4 days a week. I was impressed by what I saw and heard and think it'l be a gret little place for Judah. I teared up a couple times thinking about sending him off to school. I can't believe I will have a kindergartener!! Anyway, when we went to pick him up the teacher in that room loved him and said she hopes he ends up in her room. :-)

Language update & prayer

Judah is using more personal pronouns now which is a great change in his language. He's used "I" for a while ("I yub it!")but yesterday he used "me". All the boys are good at tattling on each other and Judah would typically just say, "Mom, Biam. . ." and pat whatever part of his body got hurt. Yesterday Judah said,"Mom! Biam hit me." He doen't speak in Bench or Amharic anymore. He's replaced all his typical words with the English words. This means that he repeats the same stuff all day long since his English is still limited campared to other 5 year olds. It's exciting to see the changes in him and how much he's progressed in a little over ten weeks.

We pray at every meal and before bed and Judah's taken a huge interest in it and now wants to be the one who prays. THis morning he prayed before breakfast and this is what it sounded like:
"Jesus, brepast (Breakfast), pasta, banana, Jesus, Gabriel, Daddy, Amen."
No, we didn't have pasta for breakfast but he is learning to be specific when he speaks so he tried to name foods that he can say.

Almost 9 weeks of English

Judah's English is quite impressive for only 8 weeks and 3 days home. Here is just a handful of what he's saying:

Oh my gosh
I lub (love)it
juice
hungry
pasta
cheese burger
car
wow
watch it
movie
it's big
outside
cold
Bailey
Cleo
it's not funny
gummy bears
monkey
this one
sit down
go bye bye
music
open it
don't touch it
I don't like it

Our New Normal and Lifebook video

Life is as crazy as ever with 3 boys 5years old and under but I think this is it. . .the new normal. We are so used to having Judah around that most times I forget that people see us differently. We get a lot of looks and smiles when we're out in public and often times it will hit me, "Oh yeah, we have two white boys and a little African boy." This isn't a typical sight in Grand Junction, CO. So far it's all positive comments which is good. But I just forget that we are not the norm.

Judah's really part of this family like he has been here since the beginning. He is sleeping great, enjoying his brothers, obeying more then at the beginning. It just feels like he should have always been with us. :-)

A couple days ago our adoption agency sent us our video lifebook. We saw the hut were Judah was born and lived with his family. They interviewed his uncle and his Grandmother. We found out that Judah's uncle has 10 kids from his two wives but didn't feel like he could afford to take J in. Judah's dad died right after he was born and his mom died when J was 3 and shortly after his BROTHER was born. His brother from a different father died as an infant. A lot of this info we never knew until we watched this video. Judah's grandmother talked about how much she loves him and wants him to be taken care of. She says that Judah was her favorite granchild (out of 11). So sweet! The uncle said that J was always sick and they worried about him. It was emotional to watch this but quite amazing to think that he is now doing so well and happy and healthy. If the grandmother hadn't relinquished him, he most likely wouldn't have lived long. God knew he needed us. Thank you, Grandmother, for being willing to give him a good life!!

Security Issues?

These are a few signs of healthy attachment (Judah shows all these signs although a couple weren't right away)

* Displays age appropriate anxiety at brief separation from primary caregiver but is able to be reassured.

* Reunites happily with primary caregiver with eye contact and physical contact.

* Show signs of feeling safe in social situations; able to play and interact with others, but stays close and checks in with primary caregiver regularly but not in an anxious or desperate way.

* Is okay with primary caregiver leaving the room for short periods of time. Conversely, cares that primary caregiver has left the room and shows happiness when that person returns.
http://www.a4everfamily.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=153&Itemid=71

We've left Judah with his brothers in the care of others numerous times now, mostly at our home but a few times in children's church. He does really well and is always happy to see us when we return. So, what's the issue? Gabriel !! Yeah, I never thought Gabriel would have these issues with Judah being here. I thought that maybe Liam might show jealousy signs (which he hasn't) but Gabriel's always so oblivious that I thought a new child would be no big deal for him. Well, Gabriel often scolds Judah for things and pushes him around. I now have to sneak out when I leave Gabriel with a sitter because he will bawl his little eyes out when I leave. I left him with Grandparents to take Liam and Judah to gymnastics and Gabriel sobbed! I am realizing how much individual attention Gabriel needs. It has been unexpected but I am glad I am not totally oblivious to it.

Music

We brought a little MP3 player to Ethiopia for Judah and he loved it. Well, it's become quite a staple for naps and bedtime. He falls asleep listening to it. We have to sneak in after he's asleep and turn it off because we're going through batteries like crazy. We put on Veggies Tales worship along with a mix of children's church songs. It warms my heart when I hear Judah singing along with the music. I am not sure how much he understands but he's good at repeating what he hears. I hear him humming the songs, singing Deep and Wide and Hallelujah. It was the best purchase we've made for him thus far. After a while we had to go back and buy Liam one too and we put the same music on it. I don't mind my boys having their little head phones on since they're learning worship songs.

"Honeymoon Stage"

So, when it comes to adoption you'll here the phrase "Honeymoon Stage" which is referring to how well things might go at the very beginning of bringing your child home. This, of course, implies that this honeymoon will come to an end and things will get harder. I think I have realised that our situation with Judah "might" (and I say this with my fingers crossed and praying I'm right) be the opposite of this. Our first week and a half home were hard. Granted, Dave and I were trying to adjust back to CO time but it was tough. Judah threw fits (kicking and screaming) daily. He pushed every limit imaginable. He bit both of his brothers at some point and would pinch and hit them if he was upset. All of these things have gotten better. He respects us more and is really learning how to share and wait his turn. His fits are less often and much shorter as I think he's realizing he won't get what he wants all the time. So, are we entering the "honeymoon stage" now after 4 weeks home? It feels like it. I am not complaining by any means. I just pray that things stay the way they are now and only get better. Don't get me wrong, we still have our days (like yesterday!) but over all Judah has come so far in only 5 weeks in our care. Praise God!

It's a process

We put Liam and Judah into gymnastics which started last night. Judah is quite the gymnast if he puts his mind to it but he kept getting distracted by other things in the large room. I had to be near him for part of it to keep him focussed but over all I think both boy really enjoyed the class. The thing about this is that Judah may not really end up learning much in the way of gynmastics but I think it's good for him to learn how to listen and obey other people. He's gone to Sunday school the past two weeks as well and done great without Dave or me there. We are planning on putting him into kindergarten this fall and I want to have peace that he won't run off (he likes to just leave the group and do his own thing, often trying to leave the room/building) and that he will somewhat obey his teacher. So, this is a process we know might take some time. This class as well as Sunday school will be a good start and we hope that he's ready for school this fall.

Attachment

Judah seems to be attaching more quickly then I expected. People told us to except a good 6 months before even thinking about leaving him with a sitter. Within the first two weeks home my sister, her husband and their 6 year old came and stayed with the boys so Dave and I could go get dinner. We were only gone for 2 hours but Judah did greaat. He remembered my sister from the weekend before when she spent a good portion of a Saturday with us. He didn't cry when we left and was fine the whole time. Last Sunday I took him to children's church assuming I would need to stay with him. He walked in without turning back, sat down and joined the other kids. They said he did great and was way too smart to be in Liam's pre-k class. So, this Sunday he went off to CC again and once again did well. It's so nice knowing that he trusts us to return.

He is very loving and even after some discipline he will hug and kiss us and wants to snuggle. He is smiling and laughing most of the day and seems to love living with us. We're so thankful that ew haven't had bonding issues. The first week was hard cause it felt like I was babysitting someone else's son and that I didn't know him like I knew Liam and Gabriel but that's gotten better and more and more he feels like he belongs with us.